Fixpert

I’d been toiling, trying to think of what I wanted to write about on Fixpert for a few weeks now. I can feel one of those “what am I doing with this site??” posts coming on. But in the meantime, Nate’s comment on my last post got me thinking about my somewhat recent shift in attitude — or at least demeanor — towards drivers.

First Things First, I Drive

In the spirit of full-disclosure, I own and occassionally drive a car, a diminutive VW Golf that I bought off my brother when he moved to Japan. I ride my bike to work every day, but I’m using my car to get around LA a bit on the weekends — all the while, hating myself as I do it.

Anyway, you know how it goes…when you’re a driver you bitch about pedestrians, when you’re a pedestrian you bitch about drivers, etc. Each form of transportation puts you into a certain mindset or mode which for some reason prevents you from being simpathetic towards all other modes — one exception perhaps being the driving cyclist, who I think is probably the most alert and safe driver on the road — but maybe I’m dillusional?

I think it’s an unfortunate aspect of human nature to hate “the other” and to do the “us vs. them” thing, with “us” and “them” being rather arbitrary from moment to moment. Just think of how friggin’ patriotic everybody got when the whole country hated Al Qaeda altogether. Then we saw something shiny and got distracted and started hating each other again. Anyway…

I Didn’t Used To Be This Peaceful

Let’s start at the beginning. Five years ago, I started work as a bike messenger. I was in NYC. I am not usually an angry person, but I had about 4 years of steam to blow off from an unhealthy relationship that I had just gotten out of. At this moment in my life, I was angry, I just didn’t know it yet. It was somewhat buried and I needed to pedal down 5th Ave in Midtown during rush hour to find this anger and wring it from my pysche.

Messengering is a great way to get pissed off, but it immediately offers a really healthy way to get rid of that anger. In busy cities, you kind of get paid to be pissed. The more deliveries you make, the more money you earn. So if some jerk swerves and almost kills you in traffic, the rush of adrenaline might help you catch up to him at the red light and knock off his side-view mirror with your u-lock, and/or that energy can also be used to accelerate through the congestion at inhuman speeds. Your package arrives sooner, now you’re in Chelsea empty (holding no packages), your dispatcher is pleased and starts flowing you more jobs. Suddenly you’re making more money! Rinse and repeat. All day, every day.

Messengering was just about the best thing that could have happened to me at this time. I found it extremely cathartic. But after the therapeutic part drew to a close and I was just having fun messengering, I found that the anger could be a downward spiral for me.

The Confrontations with Drivers

I’ve had my share of shouting matches with drivers. I’ve spit many-a-loogie, flipped many-a-bird. I’ve hit cars with u-locks, I’ve knocked on drivers-side windows while riding alongside someone to flip them off right in their face. I’ve punished drivers by blocking their cars in traffic (which is totally stupid and you should never do, people get hit this way).

I’ve also had my share of abuse. I’ve had many-a-burning-cigarette flicked at me, bottles thrown, or my favorite — a slice of pizza. I’ve been swerved at, shouted at, spit on. I’ve even been physically picked up sort of by the lapels by a driver that stepped out of his car (after trying to swerve and hit me) who clearly was contemplating punching me in the face before I drew back my u-lock in defense, making him flinch and I was able to make my speedy getaway.

Violence Begets More Violence

All of these encounters still get me upset just thinking about them. Years later! And none of these confrontations produced anything of any value, and I was often the instigator! I would never do evil things out of the blue, it was always a reaction to a driver doing something evil or stupid to me. But it was almost always my choice to escalate situations, thinking that I would get some relief or justice.

I’m sure that every driver that I shouted at or spit on carried that anger with them in future situations when they encountered cyclists on the road (ever heard drivers joke about “how many points” they’ll get for hitting a cyclist?). Thinking about it now, my anger and impulsiveness was pretty selfish and helped to spread hatred towards cyclists in general. This is why I now have mixed emotions about big group rides which can sometimes get pugnacious — more about that in another post.

Now I’m All Zen-Like

There was no distinct turning point in my behavior that I can remember. I mean even now, I have an occassional bout of bad behavior. But usually these days, when I see someone do something stupid when they’re driving, my reaction is muttering “asshole” under my breath. Haha, and in LA if you could put a mic on me as I ride, it’s sometimes a constant flow of “asshole…asshole…” But I don’t even flash an evil look at the drivers.

My goal these days is not to be combative with drivers. My goal is to be a compelling image of fun for drivers to see and long for. When drivers see me riding, I want them to say “That looks like fun! I should get a bike!” The more cyclists on the road, the better. My ultimate vision of utopia is this: no cars, nothing but bikes and pedestrians. A pipe-dream perhaps, but I know that spitting on windshields won’t get me any closer to that vision.

Yes, drivers still constantly do stupid and dangerous stuff, but I feel much less angry now that I don’t participate in all of the spitting, yelling, etc that I used to do. As a result I’m safer when I ride, and I think I’m getting more enjoyment from the riding itself. It’s a different kind of enjoyment, more like a healthy and sustainable long-term romance, rather than a tumultuous lusty affair. They both have their place, but I haven’t been hit by a lit cigarette in a long time.