My Zen-Like Peacefulness Towards Drivers
I’d been toiling, trying to think of what I wanted to write about on Fixpert for a few weeks now. I can feel one of those “what am I doing with this site??” posts coming on. But in the meantime, Nate’s comment on my last post got me thinking about my somewhat recent shift in attitude — or at least demeanor — towards drivers.
First Things First, I Drive
In the spirit of full-disclosure, I own and occassionally drive a car, a diminutive VW Golf that I bought off my brother when he moved to Japan. I ride my bike to work every day, but I’m using my car to get around LA a bit on the weekends — all the while, hating myself as I do it.
Anyway, you know how it goes…when you’re a driver you bitch about pedestrians, when you’re a pedestrian you bitch about drivers, etc. Each form of transportation puts you into a certain mindset or mode which for some reason prevents you from being simpathetic towards all other modes — one exception perhaps being the driving cyclist, who I think is probably the most alert and safe driver on the road — but maybe I’m dillusional?
I think it’s an unfortunate aspect of human nature to hate “the other” and to do the “us vs. them” thing, with “us” and “them” being rather arbitrary from moment to moment. Just think of how friggin’ patriotic everybody got when the whole country hated Al Qaeda altogether. Then we saw something shiny and got distracted and started hating each other again. Anyway…
I Didn’t Used To Be This Peaceful
Let’s start at the beginning. Five years ago, I started work as a bike messenger. I was in NYC. I am not usually an angry person, but I had about 4 years of steam to blow off from an unhealthy relationship that I had just gotten out of. At this moment in my life, I was angry, I just didn’t know it yet. It was somewhat buried and I needed to pedal down 5th Ave in Midtown during rush hour to find this anger and wring it from my pysche.
Messengering is a great way to get pissed off, but it immediately offers a really healthy way to get rid of that anger. In busy cities, you kind of get paid to be pissed. The more deliveries you make, the more money you earn. So if some jerk swerves and almost kills you in traffic, the rush of adrenaline might help you catch up to him at the red light and knock off his side-view mirror with your u-lock, and/or that energy can also be used to accelerate through the congestion at inhuman speeds. Your package arrives sooner, now you’re in Chelsea empty (holding no packages), your dispatcher is pleased and starts flowing you more jobs. Suddenly you’re making more money! Rinse and repeat. All day, every day.
Messengering was just about the best thing that could have happened to me at this time. I found it extremely cathartic. But after the therapeutic part drew to a close and I was just having fun messengering, I found that the anger could be a downward spiral for me.
The Confrontations with Drivers
I’ve had my share of shouting matches with drivers. I’ve spit many-a-loogie, flipped many-a-bird. I’ve hit cars with u-locks, I’ve knocked on drivers-side windows while riding alongside someone to flip them off right in their face. I’ve punished drivers by blocking their cars in traffic (which is totally stupid and you should never do, people get hit this way).
I’ve also had my share of abuse. I’ve had many-a-burning-cigarette flicked at me, bottles thrown, or my favorite — a slice of pizza. I’ve been swerved at, shouted at, spit on. I’ve even been physically picked up sort of by the lapels by a driver that stepped out of his car (after trying to swerve and hit me) who clearly was contemplating punching me in the face before I drew back my u-lock in defense, making him flinch and I was able to make my speedy getaway.
Violence Begets More Violence
All of these encounters still get me upset just thinking about them. Years later! And none of these confrontations produced anything of any value, and I was often the instigator! I would never do evil things out of the blue, it was always a reaction to a driver doing something evil or stupid to me. But it was almost always my choice to escalate situations, thinking that I would get some relief or justice.
I’m sure that every driver that I shouted at or spit on carried that anger with them in future situations when they encountered cyclists on the road (ever heard drivers joke about “how many points” they’ll get for hitting a cyclist?). Thinking about it now, my anger and impulsiveness was pretty selfish and helped to spread hatred towards cyclists in general. This is why I now have mixed emotions about big group rides which can sometimes get pugnacious — more about that in another post.
Now I’m All Zen-Like
There was no distinct turning point in my behavior that I can remember. I mean even now, I have an occassional bout of bad behavior. But usually these days, when I see someone do something stupid when they’re driving, my reaction is muttering “asshole” under my breath. Haha, and in LA if you could put a mic on me as I ride, it’s sometimes a constant flow of “asshole…asshole…” But I don’t even flash an evil look at the drivers.
My goal these days is not to be combative with drivers. My goal is to be a compelling image of fun for drivers to see and long for. When drivers see me riding, I want them to say “That looks like fun! I should get a bike!” The more cyclists on the road, the better. My ultimate vision of utopia is this: no cars, nothing but bikes and pedestrians. A pipe-dream perhaps, but I know that spitting on windshields won’t get me any closer to that vision.
Yes, drivers still constantly do stupid and dangerous stuff, but I feel much less angry now that I don’t participate in all of the spitting, yelling, etc that I used to do. As a result I’m safer when I ride, and I think I’m getting more enjoyment from the riding itself. It’s a different kind of enjoyment, more like a healthy and sustainable long-term romance, rather than a tumultuous lusty affair. They both have their place, but I haven’t been hit by a lit cigarette in a long time.
January 30th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
I do pretty much the same thing. I mumble something and just keep pedaling. It’s only when the driver intentionally does an asshole-move while looking at me that I fly off the handle a bit. That does not happen very often I’m glad to say.
Pedal on.
January 30th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
same can be said when in traffic…you come across the flat tire/stalled vehicle/accident site (either on your side or other side of the freeway) and there are people rubber neckin’… i’d get upset, curse, etc…
but sometimes i take a breath and am glad that i’m not that person in that situation. i’ve been that car broken down on the side of the road.
the world moves so fast and i try to keep up. sometimes i need to slow down and be thankful for the little things
January 30th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
btw, the comics rock
January 30th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Couple of weeks ago I was biking from downtown LA to Hollywood via Beverly Blvd which tends to get kinda sketchy at times due to heavy traffic. At one point I had to ride a bit in the middle of the lane because of some serious potholes. Sure enough a car comes up behind me and starts honking. I sit up straight on my bike and do the “relax, slow down” arm movement.
All of sudden the driver starts to wedge his car in between me and the curb and I have to veer left to not get hit. In my rage and disbelief I turn my head and spit on the car, not realizing that the car window was open and I hit the driver right in the face.
He went balistic! Started yelling and cursing and pushed me more and more to the left until I was riding into oncoming traffic. I tried to tell the dude to chill, but he was too angry to hear me. I slowed down to get behind the car which eventually sped off into the distance.
Lesson learned: don’t spit on cars.
January 30th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
I tried to be laid back. Sometimes this not possible though. Friends have been hit over the years and it makes me cautious on my daily commute. Sometimes my caution cabn get me into trouble though. I do occasionaly track driver s down and heated conversations.
January 30th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
@nathan - Thanks!
@All - Yeah, just remember, when people are angry, they’re impetuous, and unfortunately all a driver has to do to kill you is hit a little button with their foot.
If you do end up confronting a driver, make sure you’re not in a position where they can hit you with their car.
January 30th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
drivers, schmivers.. i love your drawings.
January 30th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
This is really similar to my story of anger, revenge and redemption.
In 2003 when I first started riding fixed no brakes in LA on the streets, I was the same way. I had just had a nasty break up too and I was angry about a lot of other stuff too. I pretty much had an anger management problem. In fact, a driver almost hit Orlando on a group ride, I did the Kevin Bacon off my bike, threw it down and ran full speed (foot first) into a guy’s door subsequently caving it in. I also slapped mirrors, spit, tapped on windows, chased cars down to yell at them, threw shit and the like. One time I even flipped off a carload of esés in East LA coming home from CSULA. Luckily, they laughed at me because it was raining, I was wearing a $20 Giro helmet, glasses, sta-prest pants, a hoodie and a shitty backpack interlined with Vons bags. I probably looked like something right out of Revenge of the Nerds to them. I laughed back, waved and they did not beat me.
But basically, any time someone threatened my life, I wanted to threaten their life back.
Finally, One Sunday afternoon in summer, I was on my way to the Kitchen when this Cadillac basically did a left turn in an apparent attempt to T-Bone me. I lost my mind. I decided I was going to grab this person out of their car and beat them for making me hit a curb. I punched their trunk while making my way to the driver’s side. In the car was a very scared grandma in a flowery dress and a straw hat. When I saw her, I thought about how my friend was killed by an 80 year old woman in a minivan in a similar fashion but no matter how hard I tried, I could not be mad when I saw how scared I had made this woman. I told her that I was sorry but that she scared me. I told her to please watch out for people on bikes because we are fragile and that cars can easily kill us. She apologized and told me she would be more careful. I told her she has to look at cyclists as having the right of way because it is the law. She told me she did not know that. She apologized again and so did I. We left both calm and hopefully wiser. This was radically different from all the spitting, yelling and hitting experiences from before.
Then, later, at the Kitchen, all of the cooks had this long talk about it and we decided to try to be nice to the next person who almost murdered us on a bike.
For me, it was the next weekend. Some guy in a delivery van did the old I-can-make-it-around-the-bike-person-to-turn-right trick. I had to hold on to the side of the van and ride out the corner with him. He did not even notice me until I screamed, “YO WHAT THE FUCK!!??!!??!!??†He slammed on his brakes and jumped out ready to fight. I said, “you almost killed me when you turned off Fountain back there man. Watch out for us. You are in a full size van, I am on a little bike. You could kill me so easily.†He yelled back, “you should be on the sidewalk asshole!†He was still ready to fight. I looked down at the ground. “Actually, the CA vehicle code allows us full use of a lane. But you should be more careful. Think of it on a person-to-person level. Don’t worry about the law for a second. Would you really want to kill someone, so you could get somewhere faster?†He visibly calmed down and told me no. I said, “I don’t want to fight with you, I just want to make you more aware of how easy it would be for a giant van to crush a person like me on a bike. I just want you to be more careful. I try to stay out of car’s way and all I ask is that cars try to stay out of my way, so I don’t get killed out here.†He told me he would be more careful. We shook hands. I rode the rest of the way home smiling. Although this is obviously a solution, it is a better response, in the moment, than screaming or spitting or hitting or whatever.
I do that a lot now. When someone fucks with me in traffic. I know that I can catch them. I have never had someone be belligerent when I ask them to be more careful in a nice way. I have had people who won’t roll down their windows, or who think I am going to hit them. I have had people run from me when I try to talk to them. I also let a lot more go now. I avoid streets like Sunset on the weekends because I know that people are going to drive by me really close and yell shit or throw something just like when I was a skateboarder as a kid. But overall, I do not let myself get the road rage anymore. At the very least, I try to educate people about bikes. Even if this doesn’t work, it works for me and it is one way to chill out the battle.
January 30th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
@James - That was awesome. Great addition to this post, thanks so much for taking the time to write your story!!
January 31st, 2007 at 7:45 am
Your post came up on my Google Alert. It’s kind of reassuring and depressing at the same time that you face the same issues riding in LA that we do in UK. You are definitely on the right lines with your pacifying approach and positive image. Be assertive but not aggressive. We can never convert the motorised majority to bike by intimidation, we’ll just have to kill them with kindness instead. Keep up the good work.
January 31st, 2007 at 10:42 am
You know, your comment about hating the others being human nature is right on. If everyone gave up cars tomorrow, we’d be swearing at the “other” idiot bikers who didn’t use hand signals or look when they turned or braked in front of us.
January 31st, 2007 at 10:44 am
hey, those are cool little cartoons and i agree it’s best not to stir them up.
January 31st, 2007 at 2:23 pm
james…yes thank you.
February 7th, 2007 at 12:32 am
just saw the news segment on NBC called Road Wars. many voices heard from cyclists and drivers. both negative and positive. some cyclists said that some riders cause problems on the road. some motorists say cyclists belong on the sidewalk. but really…how much time does a car loose by going around you instead of brushing your elbow.
cars…please tell your owners that we are not enclosed inside a airbag filled gas guzzler. our skin is soft bones can break.
is it a dead end for the fight of cyclists rights? how many people have to get hurt or killed?
i hope this segment grows and helps both motorists and cyclists become aware and respectful of each other.
February 11th, 2007 at 11:09 pm
Wow… Mr. Singer, I didn’t know about that confrontation with the elderly woman. That was really awesome…
It’s hard to control it sometimes, especially when you’re in the thick of traffic, and there’s a million things running in you head. I think that in our own way, we are drivers. It’s the same mentality. We in our bikes still feel that road rage, that feeling of having the right of way, or of sometimes skirting the law if you know you can get away with it.
It’s hard to get Zen, but the payoff is amazing. Something to keep in mind the next time I ride!
February 24th, 2007 at 1:14 am
i was the same way. i messengered. was really aggresive and had to show every driver they were wrong.
but now i’m really zen. and i enjoy myself a lot more when i ride. i smile a lot more, and find myself laughing more at how pissed people get, trapped inside there cars. i feel fortunate to be on a bike.
a lot of times when drivers almost mash me. i’ll ride up along side and smile, or wave.
they seem really surprised that i’m there. i can see the recognition. the “oh shit. i didn’t even know that cyclis was there…”
a lot of times that’s enough for me. without any words or smashed sideview mirrors.
February 28th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
That’s awesome ponyboy, thanks for the comment!
March 5th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Words to live by! You verbalised something that is mindless! Amen! I like to visualise water when I ride, especially thru traffic, the challenge becomes how many ’situations’ you can ‘flow’ around. I then discovered I can incorporate this into my emotional and love life as well.
March 7th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Thanks DoubleOh2 - your approach sounds a lot like Bruce Lee when he talks about martial arts, to be like water.
March 21st, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Love your Buddhist-like transformation and the inner peace you’ve found with drivers. I was a courier in earlier iteration of my life and loved the Zen-like flow you could get into with the traffic. I still get that feeling on the road and trails today, but - now as then - it’s all too often interrupted by drivers making some numbskull move. I know frequently they didn’t see me, but I also know some do it on purpose. Those are the ones that still prompt outrage from me - harsh words/gestures and pursuit. I know better. I know I shouldn’t. As a parent, I have too much to lose in what is a losing battle with cars and trucks. I hope to find your happy place.
Cool site by the way. I too love the sketches.
March 27th, 2007 at 7:56 am
Hello. Put a link and translated part of your text in our collective blog…
http://www.ciudadciclista.org
March 27th, 2007 at 9:43 am
So cool!! Thanks Txarli!
April 24th, 2007 at 11:39 am
after thirty years of riding and commuting I still find myself losing it with the idiocy of traffic….perhaps some day
May 27th, 2007 at 8:40 am
Great post, very balanced and wise.
June 6th, 2007 at 4:56 am
My mother has told me that I have anger management issues…thanks to my emotionally charged descriptions of near-misses and life-threatening calamities caused by careless drivers. Once, over lunch, I was recounting an incident that had just occurred (chasing a stupid lady that cut me off into a parking garage), when my mom turned and asked me, “Why can’t you be more like Ghandi?”
That actually made me realize that I didn’t know enough about Ghandi, so I did some research. Now, I could look at her and say, “because Ghandi was a lawyer.”
Seriously, the next car that threatened my bubble of security, I confronted politely - “excuse me, but you almost killed me back there.” He flipped me the bird and told me to fuck off; he would run me over if he wanted. That tacked about 4 years onto my run of aggression. If you take acts like that, combined with a community keeping you informed of the messenger deaths in major cities, then you can find yourself swimming in a cesspool of hate and dread; sometimes anticipating the fact that you’re now going to have to confront the drivers and your own emotions each day. I was seriously hit in November - six months after quitting as a 9-year bike messenger. When I started riding again, it wasn’t just anger that gripped me as drivers passed inches from me: it was anxiety attacks - waves of fear. How fragile I had become. It took months of riding and one multi-day tour to regain my confidence; however, I’ll never be able to look at any intersection with the same impunity I once had. Alleycats present a whole new challenge! (As if racing them wasn’t scary enough before…) I almost always wear a helmet these days, too. I plan my routes now - if I want to go someplace new, then I’ll map it out in google and look for the most isolated neighborhoods. I don’t think that I was ever a really bad rider, but I am more cautious these days, and relaxing and enjoying the ride is part of the key. You’ll ride more if you enjoy it, so don’t let drivers get you down. Just be aware that you are sharing the road with people who are probably much dumber and fatter than you are, they’re talking on the phone while passing you and turning without signalling, and they have 3,000 pound weapons… Well, maybe you shouldn’t think that. Stay aware of your surroundings and ride with confidence - you deserve that lane because you’re such a RAD person, and don’t you know it! Being less confrontational leads to better self-esteem, too. Whenever you aggressively hunt down a motorist, you always second-guess the incident for hours, days, and even years. Sometimes the damage you do to cyclists’ image is irreparable…other times you’ll beat yourself up for not ‘keepin’ it real’. I wish I could think of a clever anecdote to tie this all together, but it’s not gonna happen. Whether you face someone else’s mortality (i.e.: the old lady James Singer nearly beat to a pulp), or your own, you wind up in the same place: realizing that life is too short to be pissed off all the time, and hoping that one day we’ll all be able to co-exist without killing each other. Thanks for the site Sally…you rock my world!!!
June 6th, 2007 at 5:03 am
*P.S.: My mother still thinks I have anger management issues… No mom, it’s just passion!
June 6th, 2007 at 10:45 am
Jim, you rule. There are so many good quotes in your comment that I want to pull out and comment on myself. You should have your own blog!
Just this morning, I was riding down Santa Monica Blvd in Santa Monica for just 4 blocks or so until I could cut over back into a residential area. I just claimed the right-most lane to myself, since that lane is really for buses anyway and traffic wasn’t that heavy.
I hear a car approaching behind me, then immediately hear the car honk, then a lady jams on the gas and passes around me all quick and dangerous. I did a non-aggressive gesture with one hand, sort of a half-shrug like “what?” and I could see she was looking at me in her rear-view.
She flipped the bird SO QUICK, she was so angry and ready to express it to me. I know she wasn’t behind me for more than a few seconds before she lost her patience and had honked.
I didn’t really get upset back at her, I just thought about what an angry person she must be, she already had that anger stored up in her, and I was just one of many possible targets for her anger. I guess I can understand, driving in LA makes me pretty angry too, haha.
Then I just started giggling to myself because her “bird” was so tiny, the style of middle-fingering was like clenched fist with the tiniest tip of a middle finger poking out of her fist, and I started having an imaginary dialog in my head about how her “bird” and how she couldn’t get it up. Bird Eeerectile Dysfunction.
I feel bad for that lady, she’s not enjoying her life, you know? It was a BEAUTIFUL day today, and I was smiling my whole ride to work, she was hating it, breathing in her recycled air coming through the vents of her car, not smelling all the flowers that are in bloom, having trouble getting her bird up — I know that shit was embarrassing for her.
Thanks for the comments Jim C!!
June 11th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
I just randomly stumbled upon your page and it made me so happy seeing a female bike messenger writing about how much she enjoys everything she does! And I wanted to just comment on getting yelled at by cars.. Today as I was on my way home, there was alot of traffic, and I was trying yo cross a three-lane street, cars were stopped that’s how much traffic there was, I see no cars coming so I begin crossing, I get to the middle turning lane and I’m there, someone wants to drive but I’m in THEIR way, waiting for the other direction of traffic to move so I can cross, and some asshole SCREAMS OUT. WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WIT CHU?.. so I said NOTHING ASSHOLE. And I finally crossed and went home, It pissed me off so much though. hah, well that’s all I’ve got to say about that! keep pedalin!
January 6th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
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