The Tomboy’s Dilemma
Hi. My name is Sally. I’m a lady. It’s true. I know I’m forever talking about bikes and cartoons and comic books and potty humor, larry & balky bartakomus, skateboarding and gadgets. But…I am a lady.
Let me tell you about my weekend…
For reasons that I won’t go into, this weekend I felt that I should try and dress a little more feminine than usual. So, I ditch the t-shirt and sneakers, get rid of the rolled up pants (rolled up for avoiding snags and chain grease when riding my bike, of course), and I put on a little tanktop, skirt, and some little sandal high heel thingies — trying to look cute. Trying to look like, um, a girl, you know? So what happened?
Dressing Cute F’ing Sucks!
What happens when you wear cute little strappy high heel sandals?
- Um, you can’t really walk very much
- You can’t walk very fast
- You definitely can’t run
- You can’t walk on sand, grass, dirt, or gravel
- Trying to walk on brick, tiles, or manhole covers with big holes is hella dangerous
- If you do walk a lot, you chafe
- If you continue to walk, you get blisters
- If you continue to walk, you get raw chafey painful sores
- At this point, if you continue to walk, you will become utterly miserable and no fun to hang out with
What happens when you wear cute little short skirt?
- You can’t ride a bike (unless you have bloomers on hand)
- Handstands and cartwheels are out of the question
- No piggie back rides unless you want to get arrested for indecent exposure
…ok, ok, the list could go on, but you get the idea. Basically, you become boring and un-fun. You are limited to sitting or small amounts of slow walking. You’re job when dressed this way is essentially to look cute, and not much else. No kickflips, no running around, no hacky sack, or rambunctiousness, or other tomfoolery.
You get a lot less exercise when you’re in porcelain-doll-mode. More importantly, you have a lot less fun. You are chafed and uncomfortable, and that puts you in a crappy mood so then you’re not fun to be around. You start to hate yourself. You hate yourself for not being fun, for giving in to the social pressure to dress this way, for ruining your day and everyone else’s.
What Do Other Girls Say About This?
Actually, I’d really like to know. Because of the subject matter of this site, I don’t think I have many female readers, but I would love to hear from them and get their take. I remember asking a girl friend of mine about what shoes she wears when she goes dancing. I love dancing, but I am usually not looking very girly on the dancefloor because I’m wearing reasonable shoes. My friend wears big huge heels.
“Don’t those shoes hurt your feet when you’re dancing for hours,” I asked.
And she just kind of shrugged, “Yeah.”
Dudes have no idea the suffering that women are going through to look pretty for them, unless of course the lady is whining and complaining (like me this weekend, hehe).
A Bit of Redemption
This afternoon, after all the chafing and discomfort, I fully reverted back to tomboy mode. I took off the skirt and heels, tossed them in the closet, flipped them the bird, and grabbed my sneakers, t-shirt, and pants, jumped on my favorite (fixed gear) bike, and pedaled down the street to the coffee shop. I was happy, probably smiling, and did a fun little trick dismount and locked up right out front.
I had my iPod shuffle playing some Sam Cooke jams, and was walking towards the shop’s entrance when a man sitting at one of the tables outside flags me down. I take off my headphones.
He says, “How did you jump off your bike like that? It looked like fun!”
“I’m, oh, I dunno, it is fun though. It’s a special kind of bike that lets me do that trick,” I say.
We chatted for a while, his friend got in on the conversation too. We talked about track bikes, about technology companies and international considerations for VC and investing in tech companies.
I went inside to get a drink, and when I came back out of the cafe, he waves at me again.
“What makes you so interesting,” he asked.
I kind of laughed, a little embarrassed, “Haha, um, I don’t know.”
“Most women, you know, no offense, but they don’t really have much to say,” she said, “I mean, maybe they’re beautiful, but when you try to talk to them it’s boring.”
I thanked him and told him that he really made my day and gave me a nice compliment just when I needed it.
Conclusion? Be Yourself - DUH!
If I had driven to the coffee shop and had been wearing some fancy clothes I would have looked stiff and uncomfortable, and I don’t think he would have started a conversation with me. Even though I was dressed more sporty and less feminine, I think this dude was responding to the fact that I looked happy — looked like I was having fun and doing my thing.
Cheers to that dude, and big ups to all the ladies out there that aren’t afraid to be themselves!
June 4th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Some people seem more confident and comfortable with themselves, and that’s what I consider real beauty.
Y’know, I’ve actually met a few women who could do the tomboy thang and still dress in a feminine style. (Both of them make their own clothes. :-P)
June 4th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Cute is so subjective. Comfy kicks and fixie tricks are where it’s at.
June 4th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Good for you Sally - you’re cute no matter what you’re wearing, so be happy and comfortable!
June 12th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
yo miss sally! you could rock these boots on your fixed gear then hop on to any dance floor for hours any night!
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/26916841/c/2529.html
June 20th, 2007 at 9:44 am
Nothing’s sexier than confidence.
June 29th, 2007 at 12:34 am
I totally agree. I’m part of the rolled-up pants grubby t-shirt cartoons and comics tomboy camp, too. And I’m the only girl I know in it. It gets a little lonely sometimes… I mean, I have friends that are girls, but none that’ll go ride bikes with me. I guess it doesn’t really matter. Boys are more fun.
I get teased a lot by people for my tomboy ways. But when I can pedal up to a bar, park in front and waltz in - while everybody else is stuck driving around forever and then parking blocks away - they don’t tease me as much.
However, I started feeling a little un-ladylike after a while, and for whatever reason, it bothered me. So when I go out, I pedal in high heels. Now nobody says a word. I dress up foxy AND have the best parking spot.
June 29th, 2007 at 11:26 am
Michaela, awesome. You rule! You just found a way to make it work for you, own it girl!!
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:59 pm
I was thinking about emailing this to ya, but then decided to leave this as a comment. If imma piss of some girls, then so be it, it’s my opinion.
But this weekend, at the block party, most girls there looked pretty “busted” to me. Fixpert you, on the other hand, had on a very summery outfit (the glasses were bitchin) and looked very cute. No, I’m not trying to hit on you (I dun want no beef with yur bf), I’m just giving you props.
July 2nd, 2007 at 11:27 pm
Haha, thanks huphtur!!
July 18th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
I know the feeling…I kinda miss being a girl every know and then, but it’s such a pain in the ass! You just can’t do anything…I skateboard and bike, and basically any girl clothing restricts you from having any fun at all. I had to dress up for a wedding, and just about lost my sanity trying to find an outfit to wear. Then when I found shoes, I had to learn to walk in them, and get this, they were only sandals!! I can land sweet tricks on a skateboard, yet hardly walk in a pair of girls shoes! Oh well, I have confidence, I have fun, I have friends, and I can look good when I need to. But when someone calls me a tomboy, I feel insulted. I am just me, leave me alone, I don’t go calling boys who don’t skate prettyboys.
July 21st, 2007 at 8:20 pm
I know this is an old post, but I thought I’d drop by and comment on this particular one, anyway…
This is an interesting post because I can understand your frustration, but I want to say that part of the problem is the need to define one self as just “one such thing.” Being a tomboy doesn’t mean rejecting femininity or that wearing a dress and heels is the be-all and end-all of feminine mystique.
As for shoes — I try to wear flats or low heels. There’s a lot of very pretty “ballerina” type shoes out there these days with rubber shoes soles — pretty much feels like running shoes. I think there’s always a balance between beauty and comfort, to satisfy both the tomboy and the girly girl. Heh. :)
August 6th, 2007 at 4:04 am
I’m kinda like you too [except i don't even know how to ride a bike] I got bike phobia.. haha..
well… i don’t wear skirts. and i’m always with my sport shoes. i run alot. [and this and that]
but when my friend call me out [same like you] i tried to wear a lil girly. I wore my favourite tank with a pretty cute skirt gave by my friend. The biggest problem!!! I do not know how to walk with a heel lol!! so instead i just wore my normal shoe. It was okay. It doesn’t look weird… just that i do feel a little uncomfortable in skirt but overall i feel happier because…. i feel like… i’m… a girl… i’m indeed a girl… lol… its not that i’m not a girl when i wear jeans but its more like… i tried something that i had never dare to try xD but i wont wear that often tho…. not my style.. =X
August 14th, 2007 at 12:49 am
Sally, you rock! You have GOT interests. Too many folks don’t have any except slopping out in front of the TV.
I am right now about to attempt riding my bike wearing high heels. You can ride it in a knee length skirt and posh flip flops / sexy flats no problem. If you wearing a floaty dress remember to sit on the back or you will expose yourself in the first gust of wind (been there, done that)
But damn! wish I was more of a tomboy. Then I would know how to mend a puncture?? or how to ride a fixie??
August 16th, 2007 at 11:33 am
The situation is the same as a guy. You are instantly attracted to the girl that just sits around being pretty. Guys are very visual creatures while girls tend to be emotional creatures. But everytime I have followed my eyes and engaged in convo with these types i am dissapointed to find no substance to the person and am no longer attracted.
In my opinion I am most attracted to the girl that has a smudge of dirt on her face most of the time and looks great without much makeup, but I know if she were to go to a fancy event she could look really hot if she wanted to. A woman with substance and personality is confident in who she is everyday and powerful in that she can look like the pretty girl anytime she wants but chooses not to.
September 1st, 2007 at 5:31 am
You are awesome.
I called my wife (recently emancipated from a lifetime of skirts) over to read your post. She loved it!
September 1st, 2007 at 8:21 am
Yay! Thanks guys!
March 20th, 2008 at 6:57 am
You’re an inspiration Sally! :D
I completely agree with pretty girls sometimes lacking substance.
Most of the girls I hang out with are pretty much how you describe yourself and they’re the most interesting, adventurous people I know.
Keep being interesting! :D